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Be sure to check out some of the new writing in the Features section (located below) and on the Poetry Page!  Some of that stuff was added on August 18, 2002.  (I know, this page doesn't get updated as often as some people would like, but, hey, it's a hobby.  Updates occur when time allows.  Want to send me oodles of money to maintain this stuff?  When the funds roll in, then I'll gladly find the time for more updates!  [grin])

Getting serious for a moment...

Who Is This Guy?  Check Out the Résumé to Find Out: I'm not just another goofy personal web site designer.  I'm a creative electrical engineer with 12 years of experience.  Am I seeking new positions?  Well, it'd be foolish to not keep at least one eye open for other opportunities!  Beyond that, this entire web site is a monument to my desire to entertain people.  I'd be delighted if I could use my skills for the purposes of entertainment.  So, if you know of something entertainment-related, please, let me know!  I'm rather flexible in that arena.  For the entertainment industry, there isn't much I wouldn't do.  Need a roller coaster designer?  Glad to do it!  Ride systems software designer?  Sure!  Software to support movies or video games?  Certainly!  Some form of manager?  I can do that!  Voiceovers using some unique vocal capabilites?  Absolutely!  Some kind of actor?  Glad to!  Heck, even if you need someone to stand around looking goofy in order to be hit with pies in the face, something could probably be arranged!  It's really quite simple.  I'd like to help people enjoy themselves.  If you have or know of a position where I can help to entertain people, let me know.  Please send an email to jeffharp@sprynet.com to request a current résumé, or view it online by clicking here.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled insanity...

Danger, Danger Will Robinson!  Name That Tune will soon be entering a new stanza.  Once 100 tunes have been guessed, the scoring will start over from the beginning.  Wow!  It'll be a new opportunity for a whole new leader board!  But, it is necessary to get to 100 tunes before the new session starts.  "How can I make it happen quickly?" I hear you cry.  Simple... start playing.  Encourage your friends to play.  Encourage your enemies to play.  Encourage your fichus plant to play.  Even encourage your Aunt Rose to play.  Everyone is welcome to play!  Not sure of the answer?  Take a guess!  Heck, while you're at it, leave me a nice little note!  Who knows?  It may even blossom into a beautiful friendship!  (Try to hold the wretching to a minimum.)  Good luck, and keep those guesses coming!

Be the envy of your neighborhood! Win valuable prizes! And all you have to do is Name That Tune! If you have Netscape 3.0, Microsoft Explorer, and/or the Crescendo! plug in, a tune is either playing or will start shortly. Can you Name That Tune? The tune will change from time to time, so check back frequently! Have fun! Hear the previous tune and check the scoreboard by clicking here.

What? You want to know what prizes you can win? Is it a new car? A trip to the Bahamas? An autographed Bon-Bon from Peggy Bundy? No. It's something much more valuable! You win My Undying Gratitude! That's right! This prize can not be purchased in any store! As a special bonus, your name will appear on the Scoreboard where it can be admired by people for generations to come! Just try and top THAT, Ed McMahon! And to make it even better, you don't have to fill out any annoying sweepstakes forms! All you have to do is be the first one to name the current tune! What could be easier?! Don't delay -- email those entries today!

Need to download the tune to play it on your MIDI device? Just right-click here!

Welcome to Harpo! This page is my opportunity to be a ham for the whole wide web! Take a careful look through the entire Harpo! Universe -- it just keeps expanding, changing, rearranging, and getting more and more warped every day (much like its creator)! Some of the changes will be obvious, some will be a bit more subtle. They are all designed to be fun. Get some lemonade, kick off your shoes, and allow yourself to be swallowed up by the Harpo! Universe.  For your amusement, I have included an actual picture of the actual geek who actually took actual time to actually submit an actual web page on the actual internet. Cool, eh?  -- This paragraph is the Dweebie Lifetime Achievement Award Winner for Most Promiscuous Use of the Word "Actual." The paragraph has never been challenged by anyone else! Wow!  Feel free to laugh at the picture -- print it out -- use it as a dartboard -- I really don't care!  Useful information is still being kept a safe distance from this page. Something valuable may eventually appear here, but don't hold your breath. For now, just accept it!  Guess What! As remarkable as it may seem, this guy is now a daddy!  Remarkable, ain't it!  Pretty darn good for an ol' Electrical Engineer with a warped sense of humor!

"Social Pages" Update The single days are over, as Kim is now my wife!  Everyone is still welcome to drop me a line to say Howdy, but, for relationships, as of June 18, 2005, I'm definitely off the market!  High atop the London Eye, 440 feet above London, Kim said, "Yes!"  The wedding was on April 8th, 2006 at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. The newest family addition, Katherine, joined us on January 18, 2009, coming into the world with a "Wheeeee!"  Yep, she's Daddy's Little Girl!  Here's a photo of Kim and I on the Star Clipper Dinner Train in December, 2003.  This event happened very soon after we started dating.

Whoa, it's a new boat picture! This time, the crew is rafting down the North Umpqua river. Believe it or not, that trip is documented in the Adventures In Oregon (see The Features section, below). In the sequel to the McKenzie River trip, the producers were unable to sign the entire original cast, so there were a few substitutions. Of course, Harpo is back, along with The Millionaire and His Wife. We also brought back Merry Bob, but after that, casting needed to make a few changes. So, just who are all these people? Going from left to right, we've got Chrysiis, Bob, Tim, Josh, Brian, Theresa, and your's truly. What I'm still trying to figure out is just why I look like I should be wearing a space helmet. "Beam me up, Scotty, the water's too darn cold down here!" Come to think of it, with that silly grin, a helmet may have been an improvement! OK, ladies, now do I look pathetic enough to get that hug? (Appears Theresa thought so. Shhhh, don't tell Brian that she's got her arm around me! He might beat me up!) So, what happened to the McKenzie River picture? It can still be seen by browsing to Harpo II!

The statistics below come from the final season for the Humpday Mixed Trios league.  Too many people dropped out, so the league folded just prior to the 2005-2006 season.  Oh well, it was a good run.

The first game of the 2004 - 2005 bowling season for the Humpday Mixed Trios and the Doing Splits bowling team was on September 37, 2004.  Gary Sturgeon, James Hammontree and Jeff Harper are back yet again to continue Doing Splits.  This season, the league consists of 7 teams.  For the sixth straight year, a split tally will be maintained.

Team record for most splits in a game:  Jeff with 6.

2004 - 2005 High Splits Week for the team: Week 15 and Week 25 with 16 splits.
2004 - 2005 High Splits Week for a player:  Week 15 for Jeff with 8 splits.
2004 - 2005 High Splits Game for the team: Week 15 Game 2 with 9 splits.
2004 - 2005 High Splits Game for a player:  Week 15 Game 2 for Gary with 5 splits.
2004 - 2005 High Splits Week for Opponent:  Week 13 for Up Your Average with 15 splits.
2004 - 2005 High Splits Game for Opponent:  Week 4 Game 3 Here 4 Beer with 8 splits.

The first split of the season went to James Hammontree of Doing Splits, wasting no time by getting it in the first frame of the first game.

Jeff also wasted no time, getting his first split was in first frame of the first game.  Gary's first split came in the second frame of the first game.
 

Highlights from Week 27:  It was a tough week, but good enough, as Doing Splits won 2.5 of 7 points from Up Your Average in order to win the 2nd half.  Game 1 had 5 splits (3 by James, 2 by Gary), with James converting two splits into spares (2nd consecutive week for a conversion), and Gary converting one split into a spare.  The opponents had 1 split.  Game 2 had 3 splits (1 by Gary, 1 by James, 1 by Jeff), with James converting 1 split into a spare.  The opponents had 2 splits, converting one into a spare.  Game 3 had 3 splits (2 by Jeff, 1 by Gary), with Jeff converting one split into a spare.  The opponents had 5 splits, converting one into a spare.  Gary bowled 154-138-171, 11 pins below average.  James bowled 184-152-148, 52 pins above average.  Jeff bowled 160-128-199, 40 pins above average.  Weekly High Scores:  Doing Splits had the 2nd High Handicap Game at 817, the 3rd High Handicap Game at 797, the 3rd High Scratch Series at 1434, and the 2nd High Handicap Series at 2331.  Jeff had the Men's 3rd High Scratch Game at 199, Men's 3rd High Handicap Game at 300, Men's 3rd High Handicap Series at 790, Men's 3rd Most Over Average for a Game at 50 over average, and Men's 3rd Most Over Average for the Series at 40 over average.  James had the Men's 2nd High Handicap Series at 802, and 2nd Most Over Average for the Series at 52 over average.

Standings After Week 27:  In first place, with a 58.5-32.5 record, is Doing Splits.  In second place, with a 56.5-34.5 record, is Up Your Average.  In third place, with a 55-36 record, is I Hate This Game.  In fourth place, with a 49-42 record, is Ten In The Pit.  In fifth place, with a 46-45 record, is Here 4 Beer.  In sixth place, with a 41-50 record, is Balless.  In seventh place, with a 39-52 record, is Beer Guts.  Year To Date High Scores:  Jeff has the Men's 3rd High Handicap Series at 878, and Men's 3rd High Series Over Average at 578 -- 128 over average.

First half final standings:

Place	Team	Wins	Losses
1.	Beer Guts	70	28
2.	Here 4 Beer	57	41
3.	I Hate This Game  Doing Splits	53	45
5.	Balless	42	49
6.	Up Your Average	43	55
7.	Ten In The Pit	40	58

Second half final standings:

Place	Team	Wins	Losses
1.	Doing Splits	58.5	32.5
2.	Up Your Average	56.5	34.5
3.	I Hate This Game	55	36
4.	Ten In The Pit	49	42
5.	Here 4 Beer	46	45
6.	Balless	41	50
7.	Beer Guts	39	52

Based on the 27 weeks of full league competition, Doing Splits has spent 11.11% (3 weeks) of the season in 1st place, 22.22% (6 weeks) of the season in 2nd place, 25.93% (7 weeks) of the season in 3rd place, 29.63% (8 weeks) of the season in 4th place, and 11.11% (3 weeks) of the season in 5th place.

Doing Splits record when the team wins the pizza for the week:  10-4 (.714).  When the team doesn't win the pizza:  101.5-73.5 (0.580).

Some interesting statistics:
Doing Splits is 38-8 (0.826) when scoring 750 or greater in a handicapped game.  The opponents are 23-13 (0.639) when scoring 750 or greater.
Doing Splits is 11-0 (1.000) when scoring 800 or better in a handicapped game.  The opponents are 8-0 (1.000) when scoring 800 or better.
Doing Splits is 8-27 (0.229) when scoring below 750 in a handicapped game.  The opponents are 8-28 (.222) when scoring below 750..
Doing Splits is 0-5 (.000) when scoring 700 or less in a handicapped game.  The opponents are 0-8 (.000) when scoring 700 or less.
The team is 24-18 (0.571) when Gary has the team's high scratch score, 10-5 (0.667) when James has the high scratch score, and 13-12 (0.520) when Jeff has the high scratch score.
The team is 20-16 (0.556) when James has the low scratch score, 11-7 (0.611) when Gary has the low scratch score, and 15-13 (0.536) when Jeff has the low scratch score.
Doing Splits has been over average in 56.8% of the games, while the opponents have been over average in 50.0% of the games.

Strikes/Splits Ratio:
Gary:  223 strikes, 85 splits -- 2.624
James:  164 strikes, 77 splits -- 2.130
Jeff:  191 strikes, 95 splits -- 2.011
Team:  578 strikes, 257 splits -- 2.249
Opponents:  701 strikes, 186 splits -- 3.769

Split Projection:  Based on 28 weeks of play, Gary will finish the season with 88 splits, James will finish with 80 splits, and Jeff will finish with 99 splits.  Doing Splits will finish the season with 267 splits.  The opponents will have 194 splits.

See the past seasons by clicking here.

As some readers of this page may already know, Harpo's favorite hobby is riding roller coasters.  I started tracking my coaster riding in 2000.  During that year, I rode on 121 unique coasters in 32 parks.  Turns out that year was just a warm-up.  In 2001, I rode 170 different coasters in 40 parks.  2002 went even farther, as I rode on 175 different coasters in 47 parks. 2003 was another banner year, as I rode 189 coasters in 45 parks, including the world's tallest and fastest coaster, Top Thrill Dragster.  In 2004, I rode 188 coasters in 57 parks.  2005 was a record year with 216 coasters in 60 parks.  It's not on the list, but I also visited Cedar Point's new Castaway Bay waterpark.  (I generally don't list waterparks in my park listing!)  The riding has slowed down considerably since I got married in 2006, but it hasn't stopped, with 65 coasters in 10 parks that year.  It started to pick up a little steam again in 2007 with 94 coasters in 16 parks.  2008 saw another increase, in part due to a new job that involves quite a bit of travel, resulting in 117 coasters in 20 parks.

Riding certainly changed starting in 2009 with the addition of my daugher on January 18 of that year.  October 4, 2010 resulted in the addition of a son.  Both of them have done some coaster riding with me, as well.  My daughter enjoys it about as much as I do.  My son is still a bit apprehensive, but he does like going to amusement parks.

What's in store for 2020?  Without a doubt, it has been a very strange year, but some coasters have still been experienced.  As of September 26, I've been on 82 different coasters in 13 parks.

Ignoring the duplicates, since I started tracking my coaster riding in 2000, my riding numbers add up to 1009 different coasters in 257 parks.  Of course, there are other parks I visited prior to 2000 that don't show up on any of these lists, but I'm not sure if I remember them all.  I'm certain that I don't recall the names of all the coasters at those parks.  Some of those parks include Boblo Island (defunct), Boardwalk and Baseball (defunct), Disneyland Paris, Galaxyland Amusement Park, and MGM Grand Adventures (defunct).  My daughter has been on 183 different coasters.  My son has been on 4 different coasters.

What are all the parks and coasters?  Well, here's the list so far for 2020!  (Bold face entries indicate parks or coasters that were not experienced between 2000 and 2019.  Parks and coasters are listed in the approximate order in which they were experienced.  Coasters with a (K) after them were also ridden by my daughter.  Coasters with a (G) after them were also ridden by my son.  A bold face K or G indicates it was their first time riding that coaster.)
 

Not quite the same, but the 2005 Coaster Cruise also had an interesting and enjoyable twist.  Kim and I were the subject of publicity photographs at Gulliver's Warrington.  In addition, the park treated us exceptionally well.  The coasters are small, but the friendly atmosphere made the park a memorable and delightful stop on the U.K. Coaster Cruise.

Check out the 2000 Coasters and Parks by clicking here.

Take a look at the 2001 Coasters and Parks by clicking here.

Continue the list with the 2002 Coasters and Parks by clicking here.

Even more coasters are found in the 2003 Coasters and Parks list.

Still more coasters roll into the 2004 Coasters and Parks list.

It was a banner year in 2005 with these Coasters and Parks.

A little bit more was added in 2006 with a few more Coasters and Parks.

The list grew a little longer in 2007 with these Coasters and Parks.

Some more new additions in 2008 with still more Coasters and Parks.

The list keeps growing in 2009 with these Coasters and Parks.

Add on some more Coasters and Park in 2010.

Here is the list for 2011.

Keep on riding...  here are the Coasters and Parks for 2012.

More international parks added in the Coasters and Parks list for 2013.

The list keeps growing with more Coasters and Parks in 2014.

Another international trip highlighted the Coasters and Parks in 2015.

Added more coasters to the list in the Coasters and Parks in 2016.

There were still more Coasters and Parks added in 2017.

Another international trip and more coasters in the Coastes and Parks list for 2018.

More Coasters and Parks in 2019, including a park in Spain
 

In case you're curious, my favorite park (by far) is Cedar Point in Sandusky, OH.  My favorite steel coasters are Millennium Force, Raptor, Top Thrill Dragster, and Magnum XL-200, all located at Cedar Point.  My favorite wooden coaster is The Voyage at Holiday World.  Of course, there are lots of other great coasters out there, but those 5 rank as my personal favorites!  Want an opinion of any of the parks listed above?  Just ask!  I'll be glad to share my thoughts about them!

Some communications voicing various concerns have been provided to Six Flags.  A portion of those communications have been reproduced here:  Letters to Six Flags.
 

Now, what could possibly be more spontaneous than that???
 

Anyway, I'd like to make a proposal. If there is anyone out there who would like to write stand-up comic routines, but doesn't want to perform, feel free to contact me! I'm just goofy enough to be willing to stand up in front of a group of strangers, while babbling just about anything! After all, I'm half way to being a good comedian -- people tell me I'm funny (looking), so the rest should be easy! It would help if you are currently in Detroit, Michigan, since that is my home location. Just a word of warning -- I prefer a clean humor style, so if you want to write for people like Andrew "Dice" Clay, please try somewhere else! However, there's very little I won't do for a laugh. I have no pride -- just try me! (This web page is the perfect example!) This has been a public nuisance announcement. Thank you very much.

My second short story was added on 6/29/97. This time, it's a fantasy tale called Demon's Revenge.

September 11, 2001 provided many strong feelings in people throughout the United States and the world.  In the spring of 2002, I took a creative writing class.  The first assignment was to write down some of my feelings and thoughts of September 11.  The writing was done within a few minutes in the class.  Although I probably would have made some editorial changes if the assignment were done at home, I am presenting the thought here exactly as they were written in the class.  Now, here are my Thoughts Of September 11.

Do you have a passion?  I do.  Another assignment for the writing class was to write about a passion.  This short piece may help explain some of my personality traits!  No matter what happens, you can rest assured that The Passion Lives.

That writing class provided me with lots of new stuff for this web page!  Yet another assignment was to write about a memorable person.  Finding the right person was tough, but, in A Most Memorable Person, I tell about someone who helped make a big difference in my life.

There are horrors in the world that can really chill the imagination!  Did you think that Freddy was dead?  Our spookster from the Nightmare on Elm Street movies may simply have a new address.  If you're brave, you can venture into a class assignment to paint a picture with words -- the true story of the Nightmare on Northfield Road.

Go through the Gate, along the cobblestone path, and you will arrive at Heaven's Outhouse - a cult you can live with.

They say romance is dead. I believe it has merely been digitized, zipped, FTP'd, unzipped, and printed on a cheap dot matrix printer. To support my claim, I present The Love Letter Of A Geek.

Check out the Sound Bytes! Last new sound: 7/4/96

Try out the Harpo Championship Golf Course! 13 links currently available, 5 more links coming soon!

Confused? Got a question? Don't know where to turn? Just Ask Whouda! The Wonder of Wisdom answers your questions here!

Here are some Adventures in Oregon! Updated 11/9/97.

Presenting, The Poetry Page. Here, you will experience many sides to my personality, be they humorous, serious, or none of the above. As the mood strikes, new original poems will appear here. Enjoy! Latest Poem Added 8/18/2002.  Hey, even more exciting... One of the poems won an Editor's Choice Award from the National Library of Poetry, and is even published in a hard-bound anthology!  How about that!

They're Here! -- The Dweebie® Awards! See the current winners, and find out how you can nominate someone by clicking ->here<-! Updated 6/13/99.

Getting serious for just a minute, read about my team's Patent. One of my coworkers and I were responsible for it -- I am truly proud of this accomplishment.  U.S. Patent No. 5,997,168 was issued for Optimizing the Operation of an Equipment Control System on December 7, 1999.  A new article was published in the corporate newsletter on May 3, 2000.  That article is reprinted here, along with the article that was printed when the patent application was first submitted.  More details will soon be forthcoming about the second patent, issued on February 12, 2002 -- stay tuned!

The Harpo! Page has stretched its way into a new server! Be sure to check out Harpo II, The Wrath of Geek! for even more features!

Mail Me at jeffharp@sprynet.com

Go Wings!  Bring Back Stanley!

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Last updated 10/12/2020

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